CAFFEINE, CANDIES AND CHAOS
by Kristine1
Summary: SUMMARY: This is part of the Valentine's Day Challenge. All I had to do was mention specific candies and their sayings somewhere in the story, I had the easy part . . . Just after, All The World's A Stage, our daring duo have kissed and maybe cuddled some, but the relationship is still pretty new.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lee, Amanda or any of the SMK gang. I just got talked into writing about them, the rights are copyrighted to WB, Shoot The Moon . . . all the usual suspects.

AUTHOR: Kristine

SUMMARY: This is part of the Valentine's Day Challenge. All I had to do was mention specific candies and their sayings somewhere in the story, I had the easy part . . .

TIMELINE: Just after, All The World's A Stage, our daring duo have kissed and maybe cuddled some, but the relationship is still pretty new.

RATING: PG-13/R for some rude words and suggestions. I suck at giving ratings, read it and see what you think! LOL.

THANKS: Many, to Lynda, Rita and Cheryl on the Beta (it's amazing how many similar suggestions you all made), and to Cheryl for using SMK blackmail and emotional distress to get me to accept the challenge in the first place.

CAFFEINE, CANDIES AND CHAOS

'_A watched pot never boils_.'

Amanda frowned at her uncooperative coffee maker as the old saying frittered through her mind. She was running so late for work. First Philip and Jamie fighting before school, her mother going on and on about some special girls' luncheon she had arranged for today, the hot water running out in the middle of her shower . . .

The slow dripping of the ancient machine was just the final straw.

Truth be told, she hadn't slept well last night either, a fact she was sure contributed greatly to her over all crankiness.

She'd woken up countless times, remembering the briefest flashes of some highly erotic dreams. She closed her eyes and sighed. She and Lee had just started exploring the benefits of their new, closer relationship.

If these dreams got any more vivid, she'd be reduced to the state of those zombies Philip always wanted to watch on television.

'_It might be a good thing the shower went cold this morning_,' she thought wryly as she tried to remember more details of the most recent dream. A sleep deprived Agency zombie would never be able to keep up with the filing.

Hearing the sudden low chime of the upstairs clock, she regretfully gave up on the idea of a caffeine boost to start the day. It was already 8.30; she needed to get a move on, right now. Crossing over to the kitchen island to pick up her purse and keys, she spotted a bag of candy hearts sticking out from behind one of the canisters.

A low growl from her stomach reminded her that she hadn't had time for her breakfast this morning either. Deciding to take the sweets with her, she innocently dropped the plastic bag into her purse as she locked the door behind her.

What harm could come from sharing the Valentine treats with her co workers?

Lee sat on the scratchy couch in Billy's office, impatiently drumming his fingers against his pants leg, trying to resist the urge to take another glance at his watch_. 'She should be here by now.'_

He'd arrived at work early today, hoping for some private time with Amanda up in the Q Bureau, before the daily grind ate up any personal time they could grab for themselves.

It was their first Valentine's Day as a couple. He'd have flowers waiting for her at his apartment the next time they were there, away from prying eyes. But he'd at least hoped to be able to give her the card he had bought her.

Oh, the hours he'd spent, searching for just the right one. Everything he'd looked at seemed to be too silly, too funny, too risqué, too . . .

The only ones they seemed to have left were the type of card you could feel safe giving to your Grandmother.

Not exactly what he had in mind for his beautiful partner. His thoughts drifted back to previous Valentine's Days. How easy it had been to simply dictate an appropriately scandalous message to some florist over the phone, knowing that sentiment would be printed on some sterile, impersonal cards and then dutifully sent to various, 'lady friends', in bouquets of flowers it had never even occurred to him to select.

This was different. This was Amanda. His lips curled into a half smile. Lots of things were different since hurricane Amanda had blown into his life.

The changes were fine by him, welcomed in fact. If only he could stop those luscious dreams he'd been having lately . . .

Amanda's eyes searched the Bullpen as she passed the guards on duty with a smile and a murmured greeting. She'd been sure Lee would have been waiting to greet her privately upstairs in the Q Bureau.

A ripple of apprehension ran through her. Had she somehow made more of this couples' holiday than Lee would be comfortable expressing?

A card was all she had meant to buy, it was just-the fuzzy little teddy bear had looked so cute. And when she'd opened the tiny Velcro straps that held the little trench coat closed, the white 'Be Mine!' embroidered on the bright red heart underneath the coat had seemed so cute and endearing.

Now, in the cold, harsh light of day, she hoped it wouldn't make him run screaming in terror.

Coffee. A little pick-me-up was all she needed. She drifted nervously toward the Bullpen's coffee machine.

Suddenly, she remembered the candy hearts nestled in her handbag. Amanda tugged on the tab, unzipping the purse, and pulling out the plastic bag containing the sweets. She placed the bag next to the Styrofoam cups; she may as well spread the holiday feeling around.

The sugar was just starting to dissolve into the inky blackness of her cup when she felt movement at her side.

"Good morning, Fred." Amanda smiled at the somewhat inept agent. She had a soft spot for the Agency worker, who sometimes looked a little lost among all the worldwide intrigue. She liked him, no matter what Lee called him.

"Morning, Mrs. King," Fielder replied.

Amanda sighed happily; the coffee was starting to work its magic at last. As she turned, she noticed her supervisor motioning to her through the open blinds of his office. Noticing Lee inside as well, she walked briskly toward the door. Pausing halfway to the office, she turned her head as a thought struck her.

"Oh, happy Valentine's Day, Fred. Feel free to have one of the candy hearts I brought in."

So intent was Amanda on making her way to Billy's office, she failed to hear his thanks, or see the rather quizzical look he tossed in her direction as he read the lettering on the little red candy . . .

A brisk knock preceded Amanda's smiling entrance into Billy Melrose's inner sanctum.

The intrigued field supervisor sat back and quietly observed the faces of his best (and just between us, favorite) two agents.

He tried hard not to let loose the laugh that was threatening to break free at any moment.

Who did these two think they were kidding with the old "Just friends" routine?

Themselves?

Him?

Anybody?

Billy roused himself from his musings, just in time to respond to Amanda's happy greeting. He was patient, he could wait, and he could even put on a surprised happy face.

Hell, if it worked with Jeannie when she served that damn fruitcake, it could even fool Lee Stetson.

The threesome adjourned to an Agency conference room a short time later to go over the gathered blueprints and Intel on their newest project.

They were occupied for hours. The busy trio had no idea of the chaos that was brewing- right in the vicinity of the staff coffee machine . . .

Ralph wasn't impressed at having to bring more sweetener down to the 'high and mighty' field section. If they were all so crash hot, thought the bitter medical staffer, why couldn't anybody ever seem to remember to check on the level of sweetener they had? He grabbed a standard Agency issue canister, filled it with sweetener, and reluctantly trudged down to God land.

Mike was feeling nervous; he didn't like being around the new experimental drugs, let alone having to transport the damn things. The newest recruit from the Agency's chemlab squared his shoulders as the elevator dinged its arrival on the field section floor. All he had to do was get it safely to the dispensary on that floor. After that, it was their baby.

Ralph wasn't expecting to run into Mike on that fateful Valentine's morning, and Ralph sure hadn't expected to leave a lasting impression on anyone. But, fate being the fickle fellow it is, run into each other they did. Literally.

It didn't make much of an impression on either of them, but it sure would go on to leave a lasting impression on the agents in the field section.

Ralph ignored the smiles and nods from the agents gathered around the coffee maker. He only had to deliver the sweetener, not make any new friends along the way. He had achieved his first pointless errand of the day. It had almost been a painless exercise, if not for that idiot bumping into him out in the hallway . . .

Billy could no more contain the jaw-stretching yawn anymore than Lee could stop trying to work the kinks out of his neck. They'd been at this for hours; the strain was starting to show on all of them.

"How about we stop for a break? I know I could sure use one," Billy said.

"A break and a fresh pot of coffee," Amanda replied, with a small smile.

"Amen to both." Lee grinned, his mind already running through the quickest way to get Amanda up to the Q Bureau and into his waiting arms. They left the paperwork and headed back toward the Bullpen.

The first clue that something was wrong was all the noise. Bullpen leach Frank Robinson, slowly stripping to a spirited rendition of the Chuck Berry classic 'My Ding A Ling,' was also a pretty good indicator. Something was seriously amiss.

Billy, Lee, and Amanda stood in the Bullpen-mouths open in shock at the bedlam surrounding them. Agents were dancing, flirting, and necking-all to the loud, unrelenting beat of a rock song blasting from a portable radio.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" bellowed an infuriated Billy.

A few heads turned toward the noise, a few giggles sounded in the general area. Then, unbelievingly, the music was turned up louder, and people went back to what-or who- they were in the process of doing before they were so rudely interrupted.

The sheer volume of partying agents prevented any escape from the Bullpen. The most the threesome could manage was to allow the crowd to slowly jostle them toward Billy's office.

As soon as they entered, Billy picked up the phone and began barking orders, determined to get to the bottom of this modern day Sodom and Gomorrah that had sprung up in his field section.

"Oh my gosh, Lee, how could this have happened?" Amanda stared, wide-eyed at the raging orgy, through Billy's Venetian blinds.

Lee stood and quickly strode to the office door, locked it firmly, and then escorted Amanda to a seat away from the window. "Whatever it is, it's not getting in here," the handsome agent stated adamantly.

Billy finally lowered the phone and then sat down heavily in his leather chair, clearly stunned.

"Well?"

Billy blinked, then rubbed his face wearily. Lee wasn't going to believe the answer he had to give to his question; he didn't think he quite believed it himself yet.

"Sometime this morning, an experimental interrogation drug got . . ." Billy's brain searched for the best word to use as his hands searched his drawers for some Tums, "switched, accidentally, with a container of artificial sweetener."

Billy didn't blame the duo for their stunned expressions. It was sure to be a dead ringer for the look on his own face.

"How on earth did that happen?" demanded an irate Lee. "Don't we have drug transport protocols in place to ensure this type of thing doesn't happen?"

Billy sighed. "We do. And believe me, it will be found out exactly who didn't follow them. It doesn't, however, explain why my agents have taken it upon themselves to turn my Bullpen into the Playboy Mansion!"

'_I really shouldn't yell'_ he thought. Jeannie was always warning him about his blood pressure.

"What do we know, sir, exactly?" Amanda asked, in a soft voice.

The mellow tone of her voice helped calm the enraged superior.

"We know that one of the drug guinea pigs is in the Agency hospital in hyperglycaemic shock."

Off their stunned looks, Billy elaborated. "That's how we know what happened. Seems he's diabetic. Instead of being pumped full of XM-36, he got a vein-full of-"

"Sugar," Lee finished, grimly. "Okay, that explains the switch. Why has this-"

"XM-36." Billy supplied quickly.

"This stuff," replied a terse Lee, "affected our people like it has?"

"That, the chem boys aren't as sure of. It's not supposed to cause any of this," he waved his hand in the direction of the Bullpen. "I've blocked off access to and from this entire floor. Nobody gets in or out until this thing wears off, or we get a handle on what we're facing."

A sudden knock at the office door startled all three occupants. Lee immediately moved to stand in front of Amanda's chair. He hadn't missed some of the lustful looks his fellow male agents had tossed Amanda's way on their way into Billy's office. No way was he going to let anything happen to his . . .

Lee's mind steadfastly refused to acknowledge what he had almost thought; it was too soon to go there.

Billy cautiously peered through his parted blinds, trying to ignore what Stead and Rosewood were doing over by the copying machine.

He heaved a sigh of relief when a bespectacled pair of eyes peered back at him.

"Relax," he instructed Lee. "It's only Ernie."

Amanda watched Lee's stance relax slightly, but he still regarded the door warily.

Billy quickly opened the door and ushered 'Ernie the camera' into the room.

"What happened Ernie?" Billy got straight to the point. He was beyond angry, he wanted answers-now.

"They started this up about an hour or so ago, just after they started eating all the candies."

"Candies?" asked a lost Billy.

Amanda's voice suddenly sounded. "Ummm, sir, I brought in some Valentine candy hearts to share with everybody. They're just simple candies." She shrugged her shoulders, at a loss to explain how her candies could possibly be involved.

Ernie began searching his pockets, finally finding what he was looking for-a small, nearly empty, plastic bag.

"Here's what's left, if you want to see," Ernie said.

Billy fished a colorful heart out of the bag at random, smiling at the childhood memories the treats invoked.

His smile, however, soon disappeared completely as he studied the print more carefully.

Finally, after minutes of silence, he leaned forward, handing the small candy to Amanda.

"Care to explain?" he asked, clearing his throat.

Amanda turned the sweet over in her hand, bending her head slightly to read the inscription.

It wasn't the 'Hug' or 'Kiss Me' she'd been expecting.

Silently, she handed the candy to a bewildered Lee.

"I don't see what the big deal is all about, it's just a . . ." The words died on his lips.

In neat, precise lettering, for the entire world to see, were two simple words-'Fuck Me.'

Slowly, the pieces of the puzzle fell together for Billy. "The drug works along the principles of hypnotic suggestion. Once injected or ingested, the subject becomes susceptible to any question or act he's asked to do. It's being developed to be a gentler alternative to truth serum. You simply ask the subject to tell you the truth, and they do."

Lee quickly caught on to his boss's line of thought. "So if they all drank that stuff in their coffee, then read the messages on these candies . . ."

"They're acting them out." Billy summed up.

All eyes turned to look at Amanda.

Lee was especially eager to hear the explanation to this one.

"I don't know how, I mean, I didn't know they said . . ." A memory slowly surfaced in Amanda's mind-her mother, prattling on endlessly about some special girls' luncheon.

'_Oh my gosh!'_

"My mother is having lunch with some of her friends this afternoon. She must have had them made up as some sort of joke gift."

She leaned forward, her voice suddenly cracking. "I would never had brought them in if I knew, sir. Honestly. I thought they were just normal candy hearts."

Billy's face widened into its first smile in what seemed like days. "I believe you, Amanda, I'm sure it's not something you'd knowingly do." His grin widened as he fought back his laughter. "I should have known a relative of yours would be involved in this somehow though."

Amanda's eyes widened as she watched Billy and Lee erupt into fits of helpless laughter.

Next day, Q Bureau

Amanda typed the last word of her report_. 'Finally.'_ The quicker she could finish this and hand it in to Mr. Melrose, the better she'd like it. This was one case she didn't want to ever remember. It was bad enough already. Nobody in field section had been able to look anyone in the eye.

The door opened as she shuffled the last of the typed pages into the manila folder.

Lee entered, smiling a greeting as her eyes met his.

"Did you get them all?" she asked.

"Most."

"Lee, I've been thinking about something. How come the candies didn't affect Ernie like all the others?"

"Simple. He didn't eat any of them, or have any of the 'sweetener' either," Lee replied, as if the answer should be obvious.

"Oh, he doesn't like candy?"

"Nah, nobody will let him have any sugar. Even he knows to stay away from it."

Amanda wrinkled her brow in frustration. "Is he diabetic as well?"

"No. You've seen what he's like normally. Can you imagine what he's like in the middle of a sugar rush?"

Amanda nodded her head, understanding their narrow escape.

Lee crossed to his desk and pulled out a piece of paper from a drawer.

Amanda quickly spoke up. "I don't think we need to hear the list again, Lee."

"But Amand-a, we have to be absolutely sure now, don't we?" His twinkling eyes belied the seeming innocence of his statement.

"Now, where were we? Foreplay, Big One, Cum Here, and Yes Baby-found in Ron Watson's pocket. Don't Stop, Suck This, and Lick Me-Mrs. De Angelo's purse."

Amanda's head fell into her hands. He wouldn't do the whole list, would he? Again?

"Eat Me, Touch Me, Bite Me, Screw Me, Dick Me, Tickle Me, Huge One, I Love You, Kiss Me, Lap Dance, Ride Me, Take Me, Get Lucky, Big Fella, Blow Me, Enchant Me, Doin' It, and Delicious are all missing and presumed digested. As you know, we got Fuck Me, Banging, Open Mouth, Do Me Baby, Seduce Me, Hot Sex, Deeper, Bad Boy, Bad Girl, Let's Ball, Faster, and Harder when they were still left in the bag." He watched her face flush, almost to the roots of her hair.

_'__This is too easy'_ he thought, gleefully. '_Thank God for Ernie's photographic memory skills.' _

"Of course, some were already eaten by the time Ernie came into the Bullpen. But we think we managed to get them all, just in case any side effects from the drug still lingers."

Amanda lifted her head. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?" Still his grin continued. If anything, she could have sworn it got bigger.

It was time, he decided, definitely time.

"You know, I wasn't exactly telling the truth when I said MOST of the missing hearts were accounted for, not strictly speaking."

Amanda's eyes narrowed as she took in his carefully arranged features. She smelled a rat. "They're not?"

"No." He stood and extended his hand to her. "I have some too," he breathed sexily into her ear as his arms wound their way around her waist.

"And?" She felt a delicious tingle from where his hands were dancing their way up and down her spine.

"It didn't seem fair that you had to wait to get your Valentine's flowers."

"Lee, I love my card, and it's enough, honestly."

"Shush." He hushed her with a kiss to the forehead. "And I love my bear," he assured her, reaching up to gently lift her chin with his gentle fingers. "Honestly."

Her shy smile made his heart do somersaults in his chest. He reached into his pocket and pulled out two small colorful candy hearts.

A few minutes ago, Amanda could have sworn she never, ever wanted to see another candy heart as long as she lived. Now, her breath became ragged, her heart started beating faster, and her mind was spinning, wondering what they could say.

He pressed them tenderly into her hands, watching her face as she silently read them.

Lee smiled as she reached behind his neck, pulling his head down towards her warm, waiting lips. As the couple embraced, two small candy hearts dropped to the floor, unseen by the room's occupants.

French Kiss . . .

I'm Yours . . .

THE END.


End file.
